Tears of Joy

[Big Boy]

I've just been watching a television game show here in the UK. The lucky lady won 35,000 Pounds. As it became clear that the winnings were 34,500 than she should have legitimately won, the lady started crying. My wife could not understand why the lady was crying.

This is not the first time I've noticed my wife's surprise at somebody crying because they were happy, and I've often seen her sniggering with Thai friends when they witness tears of joy.

My question is, do Thai people not experience the emotion of Tears of Joy?
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[DawnHRD]

I don't know the answer to your question, BB, so I'll sidestep it to add a little. At the two Thai funerals that I've been to (my father & my BF), I've been told not to cry or show grief & have actually been told to move out of the vicinity when my grief has been too unseemly. I was told the reason for this was so that you didn't make the departing spirit sad & make him want to stay with you, which I accepted.

Having read your question, though, I wonder if Thais are just very uncomfortable with displays of extreme emotion, whether of happiness or sadness?
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"The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer?" - Jeremy Bentham, philosopher, 1748-1832

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[Wanderlust]

Sounds a bit like the old British 'stiff upper lip' doesn't it? It doesn't apply so much now in the UK, but it used to be, certainly for men, that extreme displays of emotion were frowned upon. If you look at old film from the 1940's and 50's of football matches, when a goal was scored the spectators applauded and the scorer shook the hands of his team mates. I think the only times in the past that extreme emotion was deemed acceptable back then were for things like VE day; nowadays, since the death of Diana to a certain degree, it appears people are more open in displaying their emotions. I can imagine the non-display stemmed from the Victorians, as have many traits and habits of the British, and maybe there was a similar period here in Thailand?

[JD]

Just a few days ago, my wife was openly crying over the telephone. Good Thai friends of ours just had a baby girl, after two sons the mother really wanted a girl, my wife burst into tears of happiness for them when she heard the news.

I think it’s an important lesson to learn to be able to share in someone else’s emotions.

Another example towards the end of last year, was another couple who had been trying for a baby for many years, the wife got pregnant, went the full term only to suffer the loss of a stillborn child. When she visited our shop and my wife heard the news, she openly hugged the lady and shared a good cry with her. Maybe my wife is the exception in Thailand, but she often gets very involved in others feelings, either joyful or sad. However I'm inclined to think that this is not a question of it being a Thai or any other national trait, I think some peoples empathic abilities are more in tune than others, wherever you come from.

I’m a bit inclined that way myself but not so open with it amongst strangers. We teach and show our kid’s that it’s alright to be this way, it educates them and helps to bring out their empathic abilities. Family, friends and the community benefit from such things. I can’t see a bad side to it.

Open up, we all like to tell others when good things have happened to us. This same trait can be used to huge benefit when used to deal with our own or others misfortune and sadness.
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[prcscct]

I agree with JD. I've seen Thai men cry openly at the Wat for funerals of family and friends, as well as Thai women for a variety of reasons.

I think I posted some stories on here from back in the days when I was visiting beer bars more often than now. There's been a few girls I have known who have died of AIDS at those places. I say "at" and not "from" as in each case it was found they had caught HIV from their Thai husbands/boyfriends long before they were deserted and came to work in a bar to support themselves. Their problem was they never got checked.

The emotion and tears I saw from those girls were not those of fear that "maybe I'll catch it too.." but out of real caring, love and support for that person.

One funeral I went to for a Thai female friend in her late 50's was attended by her two daughters who are married to Americans and live in California. The emotion from one of them at the Wat was uncontrollable. She stood up, started crying and screaming apologies at her dead Mother for not coming back to visit enough, not phoning enough, not doing anything enough. She then passed out cold onto her chair. She had to be revived and help up to the crematorium doors with the rest of the immediate family to pay last respects right before the doors are closed.

My partner cried openly in front of an entire staff of people when I decided to buy a house for her and our little daughter to grow up in, in case I go cloud walking at some premature date. At the same time two of the female staff working there cried as well and hugged her. The male engineers look on but did not move or walk away, they seemed to accept it as normal.

I've never seen my partner cry watching Thai TV shows. We watched an HBO movie with Mel Gibson this week titled "Forever Young". Simple plot, good makeup, great shots of WWII aircraft but not much else except a good love story. She went through an entire box of tissue even with her understanding limited to mainly the Thai sub titles.

So, tears of joy or tears of grief, I don't think the Thai's in general are really any different than other human beings. Pete

[Jockey]

Most Thai people cry when sad but do not cry when happy. I asked my girlfriend. She say if lover die (cry) if husband die (happy).

American people need shrinks. Crying when happy is a f'd up emotion I wish I never had this embarrasiing affliction, and would not want to infect this on the superior Thai race.

[Big Boy]

Thanks everybody for confirming that it is not just my wife and her circle of Thai friends who lack the Tears of Joy emotion.

However, I won't say I understand it ie the emotion is quite involuntary when it strikes.
_________________
Green Army position 5=
Plymouth Argyle 4 - 0 Sheff W
Who said, "I've dumped PAFC for Eutopia at Liecester?"
Ian Holloway (job seeker extrordanair)