Not very funny

[(buffalo) Bill]

On a very windy day, a rabbi was walking along when a strong gust of
> wind blew his hat off his head. The rabbi ran after the hat, but the
> wind was too strong. It kept blowing his hat further and further away.
> A non-Jewish young man, seeing what had happened, ran after the hat,
> caught it and gave it back to the rabbi. The rabbi was so grateful
> that he gave the young man 20 dollars and blessed him.
> The young man was so excited that he decided to go the race track and
> with the rabbi's blessing, he decided to check the program and place
> the entire 20 dollars on a horse. After the races he went home and
> recounted his very exciting day to his father.
> "I arrived at the fifth race and looked at the program. I saw this
> horse named 'Top Hat' was running. The odds on this horse were 100 to
> 1 but since I received the rabbi's blessing I bet the entire 20
> dollars on 'Top Hat' and guess what? He won!"
> "In the next race, there was a horse named 'Stetson'
> at 30 to 1 so I bet the entire amount of my winnings on him, and guess
> what ... I won again!"
> "So did you bring the money home?" asked his father.
> "No," said the son, "I lost it all on the last race.
> There was a horse named 'Chateau' that was a heavy favorite so I bet
> everything on him, and since 'Chateau' means 'hat' in French I figured
> he was a sure thing."
> "You fool!" said the father. "Hat in French is 'chapeau' not
> 'chateau!'" Exasperated, his father then asked, "So who won the race?"
> "A real long shot," said the son. "Some Japanese
> horse named 'Yarmulke'!"

[(buffalo) Bill]

>
> Interesting background to the origins of Jewish namesOther than
> aristocrats and wealthy people Jews did not get surnames in Eastern
> Europe until the Napoleon years of the early 19th century. Most of the
> Jews from countries captured by Napoleon, Russia, Poland, and Germany
> were ordered to get surnames for tax purposes. After Napoleon's
> defeat, many Jews dropped these names and returned to "son of" names
> such as: MENDELSOHN, JACOBSON, LEVINSON, etc. During the so called
> Emancipation, Jews were once more ordered to take Surnames. In Austria
> The Emperor Joseph made Jews take last names in the late 1700s, Poland
> in 1821 and Russia in 1844. It's probable that some of our families
> have had last names for 175 years or less. In France and the Anglo
> Saxon countries surnames went back to the 16th Century. Also Sephardic
> Jews had surnames stretching back centuries. Spain prior to Ferdinand
> and Isabella was a golden spot for Jews. They were expelled by
> Isabella in the same year that Columbus left for America. The earliest
> American Jews were Sephardic. In general there were Five types of
> names (people had to pay for their choice of names; the poor had
> assigned names): 1-- Names that were descriptive of the head of
> household: Examples:
>
> HOCH (tall) ,
> KLEIN (small),
> COHEN (rabbi ),
> BURGER (village dweller),
> SHEIN (good looking),
> LEVI (temple singer),
> GROSS (large),
> SCHWARTZ (dark or black),
> WEISS (white),
> KURTZ (short) 2 -- Names describing occupations:
> Examples: HOLTZ (wood)
> HOLTZKOCKER (wood chopper),
> GELTSCHMIDT (goldsmith),
> SCHNEIDER (tailor),
> KREIGSMAN (warrior),
> ISEN (iron),
> FISCHER (fish) 3-- Names from city of residence:
> Examples: BERLIN, FRANKFURTER, DANZIGER, OPPENHEIMER, DEUTSCH (German)
> POLLACK (Polish), BRESLAU, MANNHEIM, CRACOW, WARSHAW 4 -- Bought
> names: Examples: GLUCK (luck), ROSEN (roses), ROSENBLATT (rose paper
> or leaf), ROSENBERG (rose mountain), ROTHMAN (red man), DIAMOND,
> KOENIG (king), KOENIGSBERG (king's mountain), SPIELMAN (spiel is to
> play), LIEBER (lover), BERG (mountain), WASSERMAN (water dweller),
> KERSHENBLATT (church paper), STEIN (glass). 5-- Assigned names
> (usually
> undesirable): Examples: PLOTZ (to die), KLUTZ (clumsy), BILLIG (cheap)
> Original Birth Names of Jewish Performers: Woody Allen --- Alan
> Stewart Koenigsberg June Allyson --- Ella Geisman Lauren Bacall ---
> Betty Joan Perske Jack Benny --- Benjamin Kubelsky Irving Berlin ---
> Israel Baline Milton Berle --- Milton Berlinger Joey Bishop ---Joseph
> Gottlieb Karen Black --- Karen Blanche Ziegler Victor Borge --- Borge
> Rosenbaum Fanny Brice --- Fanny Borach Mel Brooks --- Melvin Kaminsky
> George Burns --- Nathan Birnbaum Eddie Cantor --- Edward Israel
> Iskowitz Jeff Chandler --- Ira Grossel Lee J.
> Cobb --- Amos Jacob Tony Curtis --- Bernard Schwartz Rodney
> Dangerfield --- Jacob Cohen Kirk Douglas --- Issue Danielovich Demsky
> Melvyn Douglas --- Melvyn Hesselberg Bob Dylan --- Bobby Zimmerman
> Paulette Goddard --- Marion Levy Lee Grant --- Lyova Geisman Elliot
> Gould --- Elliot Goldstein Judy Holliday --- Judith Tuvim Al Jolson
> --- Asa Yoelson Danny Kaye
> --- David Daniel Kaminsky Michael Landon --- Michael Orowitz Steve
> Lawrence --- Sidney Leibowitz Jerry Lewis --- Joseph Levitch Peter
> Lorre --- Lazlo Lowenstein Elaine May --- Elaine Berlin Yves Montand
> --- Ivo Levy Mike Nichols --- Michael Peschkowsky Joan Rivers --- Joan
> Molinsky Edward G. Robinson -- Emanuel Goldenberg Jane Seymour ---
> Joyce Penelope Frankenburg Simone Signoret --- Simone-Henriette
> Kaminker Beverly Sills --- Belle Silverman Sophie Tucker --- Sophia
> Kalish Gene Wilder --- Gerald Silberman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> GLOSSARY Farshtaist = (Do You?) Understand Bisseleh = A little
> Tsemisht = Confused or mixed up Och un vai = Alas and alack Oi vai iz
> mir = Woe is me Pisk = mouth Naches = Joy, Gratification Shandeh far
> di kinder = A pity/shame for the children Nishtkefelecht = Not so
> terrible Nebbishes = A nobody or simpleton Nebechels = A pititful
> person or playing the role of being one Schlemiel = Clumsy bungler, an
> inept person, butter-fingered; dopey person Schmendrik = Nincompoop;
> an inept or indifferent person; same as chlemiel Schlemazel = Luckless
> person. Unlucky person; one with perpetual bad luck (it is said that
> the shlemiel spills the soup on the Shlimazel!) Farbissener =
> Embittered; bitter person Chaleria = Evil woman. Probably derived from
> cholera. Farklempt = Too emotional to talk. Ready to cry. Haken dir a
> tsheinik = Don't get on your nerves (Lit., Don't bang your teapot!)
> Kvetch = Whine, complain; whiner, a complainer Mieskeit = Ugly Mitten
> derinnen = All of a sudden, suddenly Nechtiker tog! = He's (it's)
> gone! Forget it! Nonsense! (Lit., a night's day) Zol zein shah! = Be
> quiet. Shut up!! Leben ahf dein keppele = Words of praise like; Well
> said! Well done! (Lit., A long life upon your head.) Narishkeit =
> Nonsense