Motherhood - getting the balance right?

[sargeant]

exactly dawn although he is in thailand and he will get his culture as he gets older all by himself, What he is getting from you is caring and love and i am certain he will appreciate that.

As for the bedtime bit i didnt explain that he was the only kid awake in class all the others were asleep and your lad already has an edge.
I explained it to him and his school reports continue to prove to him it was smart and he is also smart enough to give me the respect for it.

Another small point your son and all kids of 2 language families tend to be more inteligent certainly if they start younger because they have to exercise their brains more, so you are also giving him something very valuable for his future without probably realising it
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A Greatfull Guest of Thailand

[VincentD]

Hi Dawn

Just be stern when it's needed, he's at the age where they want to discover things and may seem like they're pushing boundaries. Not. Also, being exposed to two different cultures broadens their exposure. Don't worry, he'll pick up the Thai part more quickly than you realise.

My two kids are quite different from one another. The elder tends towards western values and food. At fourteen, he's able to travel by himself, as long as the flight is a direct flight and someone both sends him and picks him up at the airport. He's travelled as an unaccompanied minor since before he was twelve.
The younger prefers Thai food and is very happy when he's able to spend time with the wife's younger sister and her mother in her home village.

They both have consistent good grades and know their bedtimes during weekdays.

So as long as you guide him in the way you feel is right, he'll turn out okay.
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วินเชนท์

[Roppongi]

Dawn you can never be Thai so just be yourself.

He'll pick up the Thai side of things from friends, school and society in general.

You weren't being too harsh on him making him play within sight. Sure nine times out of ten he'll be alright, but what if ...

As for discipline, you set the ground rules early and you'll save yourself, and him, a lot of grief down the track. It can get tricky later when he gets some bad infleunce from classmates but as long as he know's the rules at home, he'll be fine.

[sargeant]

I was musing last night and i thought i ought to give you a heads up on something which as a european female will possibly if you are not aware already quite bemuse you.

Your little boy is only 5 but it wont be long before he is 14 (trust me time flys) at this wierd age i can assure you you will see the cultural divide in spades

A european boys interests are suddenly no longer footy and fishing but GIRLS and he done ups and starts a chasing

Over here its the GIRLS that done ups and starts a chasing my lad cant bat them away fast enough all he is interested in is his motorbike and football and fishing.

But one caught him for a while and he was running her to the shops etc etc so i got him a motorcycle taxi bib he thought it was hilarious but she didnt and thus he is now back to normal footy fishing and cruising with his mates

I try to use humour whenever i can and always before i get testy
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A Greatfull Guest of Thailand

[DawnHRD]

I'm bumping this (ancient) thread, because I've had some real Western vs Thai (I think it's that - maybe not) problems in the last week.

Last weekend littl'un stayed with my bf's ex-landlady for the weekend. She's sort of a grandmother figure to him and though she now lives & works in BKK, she likes to have him overnight every time she's in HH. She has a very large family & the children tend to stay up late & do whatever they want, eat whatever they want etc. Littl'un loves spending time with her, and, until now, I haven't had a problem with it.

He's usually subdued when he comes home (which I understand - it's a bit like coming home from Disneyland), but this time he threw a complete tantrum, kicking me and screaming & crying. I had to carry him inside. I put it down to him being upset at coming home & overtired. He's usually as right as rain in a day or so.

This time, though, the problems are still continuing. If he doesn't get his way, he starts to cry, even over simple things. He's become very greedy about material things (something he's never exhibited before) and he's generally acting like 'a spoilt brat' - something I thought I'd never say about him. In Tesco today, I got a handful of sweets for his ka-nom drawer (he has a drawer in the house filled with sweets & biscuits. He's allowed to choose one a day after he's eaten his evening meal) I'd already got him some new colourful plates & cups & some balls to play with. He found one other novelty sweet (expensive & you pay for the packaging more than the candy) I said no, he couldn't have that one and he started to kick off. I told him quietly that I would put all the sweets back if he continued, and ended up doing just that. Eventually after a lot of screaming & crying (on his part) and a lot of talking (on my part) he apologised & we went back & got my original choices.

All of this seems to stem from last weekend. I don't want to stop him seeing this lady & her family, as he & they enjoy it & it's a link with his Dad, but I'm having problems dealing with the tantrums & the selfishness, which are totally out of character for him. I have tried to talk to him (not just when we're upset, but at other times) but he won't talk to me about what's wrong, or maybe can't express it. Any suggestions?
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"The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer?" - Jeremy Bentham, philosopher, 1748-1832

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[ozuncle]

Dawn It sounds like you are doing a good job.
Plenty of love and hugs.
He's a kid. He will get over it.

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You only live once.

[Condoking]

Dawn, in my humble experience children always find out how far they can push parents and relatives and which one to go to for what.

When I was married in England I used to work away month and month about. My daughter soon realised that there were different rules when I was home and when I was away, neither wrong just different. Sounds to me like your littl'un is testing how far he can push you and what he can get away with, he's growing up. There are certain lines you cannot let him cross and others you will have to move as he grows up. As said before on this thread, none of us had any training in how to bring up kids, but it sounds to me that you are doing a much better job than most parents in the UK where an increasing number of kids seem to have little or no respect for anything these days.

Stick with it, it's not easy but neither was it for our parents, as my Father always took great delight in telling me.
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"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and then again I just sits" Punch 24th Oct 1906

[Wanderlust]

I'm no expert and am as interested as everyone else to see what is suggested, but my Mum told me about the 'carrot and stick' approach she used when my sister and I were growing up; basically she would promise us a certain reward if we behaved, say on a shopping outing (also an attempt to keep us safe 'hold on to Mummy's skirt when we are out' when I was very young) , but if we misbehaved there would be a punishment of some kind (no sweet when we got home if that was the promised reward for example, or possibly going 'straight to bed' if we were really bad!). The variation you could use is to ask littl'un if he enjoys the times he stays with the ex-landlady (assuming he will say yes) and then threatening to take that privilege away if he continues to misbehave, but promising that he can go the next time it is possible if he is good. Of course if he is canny and says that he doesn't like going on the visits then you can say 'oh thats alright then you don't have to go any more'