For all ladies

[margaretcarnes]

Yes Niggle, men may well be taller on average than ladies, but in my experience they also have proportionately shorter, not to mention hairier, legs!
The whole issue of toilet seats in LOS though is opening one big can of worms, due to the fact that they are subject to constant damage on account of being squatted on.
Personally when in a hurry due to aforementioned bladder weaknesses I don't give a flying you know, providing there is immediate access to the pan. Its those men who put the WHOLE flippin lid down that really bug me, cos you sit on the lid in the dark and by then its too late to change your mind.

[Big Boy]

_________________
Green Army position 18
Reading 2 - 0 Plymouth Argyle
Who said, "I've dumped PAFC for Eutopia at Liecester?"
Ian Holloway (job seeker extrordanair)

[Condoking]

Reminds me of the good old days when the boys used to sneek into the ladies loo and cover the toilet bowl in cling film then leave the seat down.
_________________
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and then again I just sits" Punch 24th Oct 1906

[crazy88]

Regarding toilet seats ,what about those atrocious pale blue padded "pile cushions" they had in Crawfords (now O'Neills) a while back ?

As for ones without seats ????? Well TIT but why do we have to wait outside for 20 minutes whilst some sarong clad woman throws 400 buckets of water around the room and then ambles out and promptly dribbles betelnut juice all over the place whilst shoving her finger, to the fifth knuckle, up her nostril ?

Crazy 88

[Terry]

I don't particularly care if the seat is up or down when entering the throne room.

What DOES pi55 me off is either
A) A soaking wet seat, where the previous lazy 5od could not be bothered to raise it prior to spraying the nether regions.

OR

B) Boot prints ON the seat where they have squatted ON the seat.


OR

C) Worse still - the combination of BOTH.

As for Betel Nut Juice - Don't get me started on THAT
_________________
Terry Theobald
Hua Hin Fishing Lodge
Tel:- 081-927-1271 (Eng / Thai)
089-837-4079 (Eng)

Come on over - you might get hooked.

www.huahinfishing.com
www.huahinfishingtours.com

[STEVE G]

Maybe one of these is the answer:http://www.bogseats.co.uk/dangerous.jpg

[Nereus]

In a previous life I worked on ships, and I remember a seat that had a counter balance arrangement on it that ensured that it was neither up or down. It stayed at an angle of about 45 degrees until you sat on it, and you did have to remember about it if you needed to sit down! They did not have a cover part, so that did not get in the way.
_________________
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil know`s you`re dead!

[(buffalo) Bill]

> Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on
> the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview
> looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
> The blondes all nodded.
> The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a
> folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and
> said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be
> able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities,
> such as scars and so forth."
> So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
> withdrew it after about two seconds.
> "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about
> this man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one
> eye!"
> The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye
> in this picture! It's the side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
> The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
> The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
> her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
> Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes! He only
> has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
> "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a PROFILE of
> the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused
> too!"
> The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
> The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde
> and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the
> photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
> "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about
> this man?" The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact
> lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and
> began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
> He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
> "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
> world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
> The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only
> one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

[(buffalo) Bill]

>
> We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really
> know the difference between them?
>
> In an effort to keep you
> informed, the definitions are listed below:
>
> **GUTS** Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you
> still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
>
>
> **BALLS** Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
> smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
> wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next fatty.'
>
>
> I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

[(buffalo) Bill]

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a
> question if they
> >>> aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a
> Southern small-town
> >>> prosecuting
> >>>
> >>> attorney called his first witness, a grand
> motherly, elderly woman to
> >>> the stand.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you
> know me?'
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.
> Williams. I've known you
> >>>
> >>> since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've
> been a big
> >>> disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on
> your wife, and you
> >>> manipulate people and talk about them behind
> their backs. You think
> >>> you're a big shot when you
> >>>
> >>> haven't the brains to realize you never will
> amount to anything more
> >>> than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to
> do, he pointed
> > across
> >>> the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know
> the defense attorney?'
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known
> Mr. Bradley since he
> > was
> >>> a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he
> has a drinking problem.
> > He
> >>>
> >>> can't build a normal relationship with anyone
> and his law practice is
> >>> one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
> mention he cheated on
> > his
> >>> wife
> >>>
> >>> with three different women. One of them was your
> wife. Yes, I know
> >>> him.'
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> The defense attorney almost died The judge asked
> both counselors to
> >>>
> >>> approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice,
> said,
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 'If either of you f*cking idiots asks her if she
> knows me, I'll send
> >>> you to the electric chair.