Extended Family

johnnyk · Guru Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 896

My friend's mama dosen't ride a motorbike so I bought her a bicycle so she can get out to the rice fields and back.
I gave my friend the few baht to buy a deep fry setup and a fruit cart to sell stuff in the mooban and at temple.
I paid for ceiling fans in the bedrooms and I think I'll buy an electric shower heater (6am cold showers aren't fun).
No cash direct but things that can help improve quality of life.

bozzman101 · Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:36 am Post subject:

99% of poor thais think a farang has a atm stiched to his colon!!!
so marry an orphan avoids the family trap thumbs up

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Once you go Asian you will never go Caucasian !!

Jockey · Ace Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Posts: 1645

Heres a tip that may help some readers. My girlfriend had a commitment to send money home each month. I put a stop to this by paying to turn the family home into a general shop. Its amazing how this has changed things. The mother has gained a lot of confidence, is happier, frugal in her new business and feels proud. There is no longer a reliance to have to pay monthly and everyone is much happier - so my advice is to help the family get set up in some kind of business. You never know, you may even make some money out of it (but don't be too optimistic about that!) Wink

This is one of the best things I've done since I came over here.

nevets · Professional Joined: 03 Apr 2007 Posts: 363

Good idea jockey , my family are successful farmers in Phetchaburi i farm 9 riy my self.
I don't give large amounts of bhart out and didn't pay sinsot, the family are very good to me and i get on well with them.
The only problem i have is the wife, she gets drunk and gives me hell.
On my birthday they have a party which i pay for and they have a good time I'm usually in HH though.

sandman67 · Guru Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 618 Location: Hua Hin

Jockey hits the nail on the head...what he did is the same as a development grant or loan from a charity like Actionaid....great work mate. Handouts dont fix things, whereas what Jockey did improves their lives and the village in general.

Mrs S's extended family also runs to most of the village so Im in the same boat. Im sorting her mum and dad a solar array to power their water pump/well and fridge, as the local electricity supply to the village goes off two or three times a week. Mrs S is saving for a little rice combine harvester thing they can then rent out to the other farmers as a business. We helped her cousin set up in the mobile business with a little stall....and made sure the loan was paid back.

I dont look on myself as an ATM, and I think by now the family are aware of that too, so alls good.

The book "No Cure For A Thailand Fever" has a good section on extended family and why the Thais do what they do family wise....helped me understand their way.

Personally I prefer their way of doing things to ours. At least here, god willing, I wont end up rotting in an old peoples home forgotten and on my own..... thumbs up

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migrant · Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:07 pm Post subject:

My wife is pretty protective of me. When her relatives ask for money (in truth, rarely) she will give them money she earns, and often a lecture at the same time about how hard she works.

Maybe I got lucky, all her relatives work, but a couple with kids don't earn much.

I'll usually kick in some too, especially for close family, again, within reason.

We've invested money in her Brothers business, maybe good, maybe not (as an investment).

I don't mind helping residents, but the key word is help, not provide for.

If any don't help themselves, then I refuse to.

spitfire · Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 10:42 pm Post subject:

Super Joe, check your PM. Cheers

johnnyk · Guru Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 896

A hand up, not a handout, as someone once said.

Super Joe · Guru Joined: 22 Sep 2006 Posts: 596

cheers spitfire, just replied

good thread topic by the way
.

kendo · Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 9:26 am Post subject:

I am lucky that i dont get asked for much i allways treat the many kids with sweets and pop, and have plenty of booze for the adults and we go out and eat, so i take as many people that we can get in the pick up and give them a treat.Apart from her mum and brothers i dont give out money i wont be seen as an ATM the food thing is allways expected.Wot i get the most thanks for is everytime i go to Thailand i take a ruck sack full of mine and my familys old clothes and shoes and also lots of packets of seeds flowers and vegetables from the U.K they love it,eg Thai cucumber 4 inches long english cucumber 12 inches long there eyes just light up when they see things like this, i allways get asked for english cupa tea so i take out a large box of PG and a tin of shortbread so in all it does not really cost me anything and it makes the family feel nice.My wife is very carefull with money and makes a point to everyone that we are not rich we work very hard back in the U.K so we can come over 2or3 times a year, this conversation allways comes up when we are having a good drink Thai people allways want to know how much you earn, and how much money you have got, how expensive is your cars and house, and so on and near the end of the night i allways get asked by one of the lasses "have you got nice farang friend for me i would like to meet" bless um. Very Happy

Chas · Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 9:40 am Post subject: in laws

My in laws are wonderful. They are rice farmers up in Udon and rarely travel ( though we have had the family down here for a visit a couple of times) so the distance means that they dont hang around the house. One lovely exception. . . two of them are in construction and have spent a couple of months working on our house without salary, I might add.

We DO send money up from time to time, but since my spouse has a good job as well, what we send comes from BOTH of us and not just me.

When I first came to Thailand, and visited the home village, I resented being expected to treat all and sundry and being "taken advantage of". But I have since learned to be more generous about it. I would imagine that a Thai with a good job and income would be in exactly the same position with the same expectations placed upon him. If you have more than others, especially in your family, you share. Seems to be the Thai way. . .in the village at any rate.

nessa · Novice Joined: 17 Apr 2008 Posts: 8

hi spitfire, have you spoken with the relatives in a direct (but still polite way) regarding your problem? however if they're still persistent and still bothering your wife, then the distance probably is the best solution.
if you are a new couple, maybe the relatives are in a transition stage still.. haven't realized that the situation is different now. perhaps in the past they've been used to calling your wife everytime there's trouble. Neutral

spitfire · Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 6:16 pm Post subject:

Hi Nessa, not so much of a problem now. In the end, just told them that it was not my problem, apart from helping the mother and father a bit because the rest are all old enough to wipe their own noses and asses. We are not a new couple, so did the initial thing but after that decided that it was bul...t. Then just did what I could within reason.

However, thought it would be a good thread as many on the forum would have thoughts about this subject, and I'm glad to say many replied with good, interesting comments that may help others aswell.